On the Subject of Healing

Your lover left your body in bruises,

emptied your lungs of air,

filled your ears with lies

and half promises

for half the man that he was 

He bought you pretty shoes

so you would think you're walking in privilege

just to pull the rug from under your feet

He turned your body into a holy place

just before he moved his market into your courtyards,

disrespected your sanctuary of a body

like it is not a place of worship 

So now you hold yourself 

like some hollow excuse for the woman you used to be

but have since forgotten;

You've been letting him define you for so long

you forgot you weren't a fucking dictionary

When I carried you home on the night he left you empty, 

you were as light as your whispers 

of apologies 

for everytime he made himself looke like the victim

even when his hands are red 

and your face is the one bleeding;

I laid you in the safety of your bed

and tucked you in with a blanket made out of wool

and God's grace 

Forgiveness has been asking to move in with you

since the last time I visited

Now

there are bloodstains on your carpet,

A cross in every room

and rosaries hanging by your doorway

You've gathered up all your unused prayers 

for this moment:

to ask God for a little levy off your list of sins

for having allowed yourself for being this broken

All the flowers in your home have since died

long before you got rid of 

all the honey and sugar and everything sweet

from your cupboard

You'v been spending too many nights

sorting out the knives you use to reopen your scars

and to bathe in sour lemon with your wounds

Your bath is taken with agony

but this is the only way you know how to cope

which is to say 

that baptism is nevery easy

Oh,

the scorching holy waters 

of moving on