Summers of Yesterday's Past

She missed summer like a child lost back into the Earth to be reclaimed and always hers in mind and heart but never to relive again those moments for real just a whisper just a kiss of breath on her face like the wind the bitter wind that blew against her back chilling her bones wrapping around her heart making her yearn for summer. For the heat so unbearable so resilient it bent the will of others no force could stop it now it was vitality. Her vitality. Summers spent falling in love with boys with dreams of the future but mostly with the land her land the land she was raised on she knew it like the back of her palm raced in it drove through it cried tears into its depths as she left each fall knowing one year she wouldn’t return at all. Or if she did it would change like things always change and it wouldn’t be hers any more. Like a child who grows up and moves on not needing its mother to define it and love it it would no longer be hers though she would always depend on it for part of her identity. Gaia. Earth. When she was little she disliked her name and its simple meaning but as she grew older noting the connection she had to the earth she disliked it for stronger reasons for the prophecy it seemed to give her of being tied to a thing so much greater than herself and destined to change and continue on as she passed away and moved away and lost her way  in trying to do away with the voices in her head telling her other peoples definitions of what she needed to do and be. She just wanted to be. To be like she once was in the summer. Hands in the ground cheek kissed by the burning hot passionate mouth of the sun its rays warming her bones and turning her brain soft and fuzzy and warm. Warm heart beating a lively rhythm that screams life and joy and heat. Forever heat to touch even the coldest darkest corner and light it up with the rich possibilities of now. Now she is sad and afraid that those times are gone forever and all that is left is the memories of a yesterday that’s come and gone gone gone away.