If words were building blocks, I’d have a castle to house my shattered soul.
But words are not brick.
Words are not stone.
I never expected to reach adulthood, but I figured if I did, I would be okay.
But I have started to understand that sad children only grow into empty adults.
We pledge our allegiance to the moon and stars hoping their dull light can someday help us grow accustomed to the sun.
But the glow is unbearable.
I am among poets. Among writers. I am among those who will never be satisfied. Those who see the world for what it is.
I’ve grown to appreciate the darkness, for at least it is genuine
You were the light I have always detested.
You were the sunshine I could never face.
Your face was bright, slightly sunburnt, lit up with laughter.
You are among grade school teachers, among artists, among those who can see the beauty within the world without a scowl.
And like a child of the light, you wandered this earth with a half-smile, staring into the sun.
You were blinded.
I always wondered what it was that drew you to me, what about my shadow soul intrigued you.
I have always lived in darkness and you in light,
why then did you venture to my side?
Why did you fall?
We were meant to walk together on opposite planes, but you came too close.
And you say it’s okay. You say it doesn’t hurt. You tell me that it isn’t his fault, but you fell. You fell for someone who could never look into the sunshine.
Someone like me.
But he couldn’t bear to look at you. He couldn’t stand your glow. You should have let him go, but you dimmed your heart.
He reminded you of me.
And I don’t care how much you want me to understand him, how much you tell me not to hate him, but I can never forgive someone who took your glow away from me.
You may not understand this, but you were my hope. You were a light I could bear looking at. You were my friend. You were so happy and he took that away from you.
How could you forgive him?
How could you love him?
I cannot help but feel responsible, if I had just left you alone, maybe you wouldn’t have such a taste for the sadness he and I seem to share. Maybe you would have never approached him. You could have the sun, you could have the light, why did you settle for a dying flame?
I just wanted to say I am sorry.
Too much like the smoke he blows in your face, my scent lingers. It’s all over your clothes and the demons can smell it. They thought you were one of us. They attacked.
And now I can’t bring you back.