& he told me love me while I still want you

& don’t wait until / it’s too late / darling, he told me / couldn’t do it / as i couldn’t love myself / he sucked all of / the flesh out of me / not cleaner or better / he swallowed it too / give me my dignity / tape my wings down / he told me lift me/ i wish i told him lift yourself / from top to bottom/ maybe not that far / & the sky was raining / still is raining / my eyes are puffy / & do you / don’t wanna / wake up / on his pillow / with dried up tears?

Well, show me how to love & don’t stifle me / i say what about the flowers yesterday  / & he says they were on sale / close enough to get bought / from them / until my anger melts like the wax off a candle light / ...it’s gonna be some love made today / (but what about the hitting, & slapping) / have you told your mother / & better yet will she care / i mean he has money / and the flashing/ (mommy is attracted to that, & isn’t she) / & they say / forgive / listen / i want to love him/ but / how / can/ you / love/ a / demon/ (but i can try & forgive him) / like he forgave me / although i begged for it / love is / the only ritual i want/ That I need

on friday the holy day i call him about a death / & he can, hear my cries that is / he says / about me / to stop or he will / kill our love / like my dead mother / mommy  / can you hear me/  i know this is his language of love / of ownership / of assurance / i feel it / it’s the only language i should speak

i was raised with that, my love / but please assure me/ when everything falls apart / even my dead buried mother / feel my tears / lick them off me / taste the saltiness / and make it sweet/ if you love me

If/ When I love me