The Sweater Will Never Be Super Comfy But It's Definitely Bearable

I am…strong
Or, at least I think I am
Being born with half a heart and a barely growing body,
I never thought I was strong
Instead, weak
Weak because I couldn’t handle this
Ashamed because I didn’t want to handle this

When the doctors called me a miracle
I simply nodded
Because if I opened my mouth
I knew I would scream

I never wanted this

When I couldn’t run around with my friends as a child
I felt like I couldn’t breathe,
both physically and mentally

Because every day I wished that I was normal
And that wish never came true
No matter how many shooting stars appeared in the night sky,
I never stopped feeling so broken

But one day
A switch went off
And I don’t know exactly when or why or how
But it made me look in the mirror
And as I looked at who I was
I realized that I’m not so different
Yes, I have scars on my body and not everyone else does
But they are just lines etched on my body
Like yarn in a neatly knit sweater
That someone’s grandma made for them for Christmas
And it’s dorky but it’s something that they can still love
I can still be loved

And now
At 17 years old
I’ve gone through countless surgeries
and way too many prescription bottles
But I can say that I’m a fighter.
And I will not let my limitations define me,
no matter how hopeless I feel
I will always remember that I am just one person
And the neatly knit sweater is not a part of that.
It is not my kindness or compassion
Or the way I laugh
Or how I always smile really wide when I’m nervous
Or my love for the arts.

The neatly knit sweater is on me but it is not a part of me.

I am strong.