Sweeties day..

 it was october 18 2014

thats when all of this started 

the day we met

the day we decided to start our unique friendship

the day we promised to only be special friends and nothing more

the day we made a promise

and the day i broke it

thats the day that we messed up our pure friendship

because we couldnt fight the desire 

we couldnt keep our hands to ourselves

you couldnt keep your inpure thoughts to yourself anymore

and i couldnt fight off the longing to be touched by you

its been almost two years since that  day

and still nothing has changed

the promises we keep making to end this kind of  friendship still never stop us

the feelings that i have for you still wont fade away 

in these past almost two years 

we just kept going back and fourth to eachother 

seems like ever the distance that i put in between us 

didnt keep you a way from me

i guess that your lust for me 

was so stong that you felt compaled to make sure i wasnt forgetting about you

you made sure i remembered all of the good times we had

over and over again

always asking for just one last time 

in my mind i knew what you wanted 

but in my heart i had hoped that 

every time 

you asked this question

it would be a different ending

and maybe i still hope that

maybe thats why 

everytime 

i never say no to you

maybe i still feel that 

you love me 

some where deep down in your heart

or maybe its just me

hoping that you do

because i want so bad to say that i love you

even though i cant stand you anymore

even though i dont feel accepted by you

and i know that we have always lived in two different worlds

everytime we talk now i am reminded 

of just how different we are even if the conversation isnt about you and me 

 we just talk about life and how we view it differently and still everytime 

you make me feel like my perception of it is worthless

like im viewing it incorrectly 

and you just dont know how much i want to hate you

for it

you intelligent moron you

so smart yet so arrogant in the way that you see things

i want to hate it 

i want to hate the way you are

and everything you think

but god wont let me

god wont let me do anything but feel love for you

so i accept it

all of it

all of the pain it causes me to feel the way i do towards you

accept all of the times ive spent giving you what you wanted 

and telling you that i bare no feelings towards you and never will

i accept all the lies i tell myself

and others especially you

that i want nothing from you at all

but to be friends

that is a lie that i kinder in my heart

even though that pain is so unbareble 

i handle it like its nothing

 sliently crying inside because i know youll never allow yourself to love someone

as strange and as weird

and as different as i am

 an why you , you continue to be so in denial 

of your feelings 

thinking that you dont need someone to love you

or to at least try to

your even more weaker than you want to surcome to

the last time we spoken you 

wanted to preech about confidence

and how people with low confidence stays in the shadows 

they are the people who refuse to standout 

the people that society consider involutary 

and needless

they are the people who are strange and weird just like me

the creative people who show you themselves  not by speaking 

but by doing things in different ways

the people whos creative mind set brings to you

todays new technolgy

and music

and art 

these people  just like me  who you  considered 

to have low confidence yet people like you 

who are concidered somebodies because you care about popularity 

have the most confidence i see

but if that is true

then why are you scared to let

someone love you

confident people desire to love and be loved the most

they are the ones who wont stop , who wont give up on trying to love

and who wont settle for less then what they need.

these are people like me

thats why i see you how i see

and you can never understand me

because to understand me means youd have to love me completely

for everything that is and isnt me

i remember one that that you told me 

the only thing that you fear is not trying

well i guess i must scare you now because

out of all this time

looking for what you need 

you still havent tried me

you told me never to say never

but i know for a fact that youd never see me

but ill always look at you

and that every sweeties day that passes i consider to be

an anniversary 

from the day i met you

and instantly fell inlove

with who you are to be.