Talk to Me

You're 1794 miles away and you're having a bad night.

I ask you what’s wrong and you push it off because you don't want me to worry.

But I'm sitting at my computer.

And I can't see the screen because my vision is going blurry from my eyes slowly watering.

And I wish more than anything that I could sit next to you and hold your hand.

No words.

We don't even have to make eye contact.

I'll just sit there quietly, feeling your pulse race in my hand.

But I can't begin to imagine what that feels like because I can't hold your hand.

You're 1794 miles away and that is the reason I can't hold your hand.

So I ask you to tell me about your day

And you say you don't feel like talking so I ask if you want me to leave.

You say no.

It's like you want me there but don't

And I don't know whether to stay and risk saying the wrong thing

Or to leave and risk making you feel worse.

So I ask you to tell me about your favorite thing in the whole world.

Anything.

Anyone.

And we get a conversation going again.

I'm pouring out all 1794 ounces of my being hoping that something I say will help.

But then you shut down again and tell me that you’re not feeling it

And you're sorry and thanks for trying with you.

But I don't want to 'try' because that means that I didn't succeed.

I want you to feel better and I want to talk to you

But how can I comfort anyone over a stupid screen?

You're not next to me

I feel so helpless because there is absolutely nothing I can do because you're 1794 miles away And you’re breaking down and I'm not there to hold you together.

You're lost and confused

And I'm lost and hopeless

And I can't find you because you are 1794 miles away

Thinking of each mile just makes me feel even more stuck.

Because I'm here and you're there so I can't sleep.

And you're a dream really.

That is what scares me the most though.

That is all you are.

A dream.

You only exist in my mind.

Your hair is golden like straw

Your lips are like clovers

There you are right next to me putting a daisy behind my ear.

So close I could reach out and hold your hand.

But then I wake up.

My dream is over and you are gone.

You're not next to me anymore and I can't help.

I'm sorry I can't help because you are 1794 miles away

I am as hopeless as a musician playing 1794 notes to a deaf man