The Task

They tell you to write. But what do you write about? Do you write about the things you see on the streets or the things you visualize in your mind? Do you write what you hear yourself say or what is actually going on in your head? Do you write what your heart feels or what your mind thinks you feel? Tell me. Because I have no clue what to write about. I want to tell you about my struggles but my struggles aren't real enough. I want to tell you about my past, but that isn't interesting enough. I want to tell you about my future, but who knows what that holds. Tell me. Tell me what to write because my mind is indecisive. I want to tell you about my love for giraffes and geography. My love for clothes and comedy. My love for my family and friends. I want to tell you about how lonely it is, how lonely I can feel in a high school full of 3,000 people. I want to tell you how bored I get moving from state to state. I want to tell you about the stereotypes people seem to be mad at me for not following. Tell me. I need you to tell me. Not only what to write, but how to cope. How to cope with being a black adolescent girl who loves to eat chow mein. How to deal with moving every three years due to my father's duty as a marine. How to cope with having friends but not having any at the same time. How to deal with the giraffes, the geography, the clothes, the comedy, the family and friends. How to embrace my dull past and become reborn in my future. How to overcome my struggles even if they are not real enough. Tell me how it is possible for my heart to feel a different way from my mind. How the thoughts in my head can sound so different from what I actually say just because I'm embarrassed. How in my head I imagine myself living in an apartment when I'm older, but all I see downtown are people without a place to call their own. How to cope with the lack of structure I find within myself when struck with this kind of task. The task of spilling my contents onto a page in an organized manner. They tell you to write. But what do you write about? Tell me. I need you to tell me. For my mind yearns to tell you many things but cannot because it has to stop and find something to write about.