Tattoo

A part of me wants to fucking kill myself. And it's like this tattoo on my hand that makes me want to chop off my hand because maybe she'll love all of me then. And she always tells me that wouldn't be all of me. And that she loves that tattoo but she can't look at it for too long without crying. And when I watch her cry it makes me want to fucking kill myself and when that happens, the tattoo grows. I often wonder how long it will take to consume me. And I often wonder how to get rid of it. And she yells and yells saying don't ever take away that part of me for her but god dammit this part of me indirectly makes me want to fucking kill myself. And so the tattoo grows. It's like there's no way to fix it and I'm caught making her want to fucking kill herself too and I don't give a shit what my tattoo looks like or how ugly it is I can take the pain. But the other day I held her hand and my tattoo rubbed off on her a little. And I fell to the floor drowning in tears begging to take it back. I wish I would've just chopped off my hand I'd rather not hold her than risk her getting this tattoo. And now we're both bearing this tattoo and this tattoo is covering my body by now and one night a doctor told me if I cut off the parts of me with a tattoo it might help her. So without hesitation I took a knife and forced it through my chest. And I kept cutting and cutting and now I'm only a part of me but I still want to fucking kill myself.