As I sit on this cold ground

Surrounded by those that seem to have it together

I'm falling apart

 

The Man in White speaks 

With words so appealing

But my walls block out His blessed invitation

 

Amidst all that should be good 

I find myself doing all that is bad

In a place where freedom is available

I'm locking myself in

 

They sing and it sounds so ignorant

Do they even know how much we are hurting?

The banners wave 

Balloons rock back and forth 

The water ripples

My heart is shaking, 

My mind is buzzing

My body is vibrating 

Because of a Spirit that I don't want to believe is there

 

The mass's cheering knocks my body against the wall

For every Plunge, my heart twangs

Every note struck adds to the weight on my neck

 

I have a decision to make

Everyone I love flashes through my head

People I have hurt, People I could hurt 

Family, friends, mentors and mentees

Those who have led me, those I have led

My choice is obvious, but is this the day to go down that way? 

 

All of the sudden, I'm all dried up. 

The music stops

My face drains of blood, tears, and snot

My Beard soaks it all up

 

That Man in White walks over to me and sits down in front of me

He lifts my head up and smiles

Like a ventriloquist, He turns my head and speaks for me

"I need help. I can't do it by myself"

 

My legs won't move 

My entire body tremors

The Enemy holds me down

Stuck to the ground like a sunken ship burdened with heavy metals

Anchored in mud and filth

Drowning in the dark anaerobic possibilities 

 

With knots in my throat

Tears in my Beard

Legs paralyzed

Tense all over

 

Like the paralyzed Man being lowered through the Rooftop

My church picks me up

They lead me to the place of my Past's Death

Taking the steps of the convicted and the confused

Along the wall and down the stairwell

Through the double doors and into the Opening

 

Passing those on the Other Side, I search for the Man in White

I slow my pace for I am tired and afraid

He sees me from afar and His Spirit pushes me toward Him

 

He welcomes me with a solid and inescapable embrace

He speaks words of love that shatter my walls 

His message of grace hammers and chops me

Over and Over

Deeper and Deeper

 

"Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves you.

Jesus loves you.

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you."

 

Finally, I fall to defeat like a dead tree getting in the way of new growth

"Maybe compassion will not come 

Until we begin to die to our own wills"

 

He leads me to the Plunge

A place I have only seen from the outside 

The Man in White invites me into His life

 

Like I'm going to back out now. 

 

Knowing full well that I want what I can't see 

Longing whole-heartedly for that which mystifies me

I take the Plunge. 

 

Nothings really changes. 

My body is wet, but my soul is still dry.

My heart is broken and unable to hold an ounce

 

The towels wipe off the tears and snot from my Beard

While I shiver and smile

A different shake and tremor fills my being

A Teared Beard filled with Fresh Water

 

The Helpers from the Other Side smile and congratulate

They take me here and lead me there

Showing me in their own way how they feel

I hear their words and I feel their hugs

 

But still I am pursued by the Man in White 

The same Man that unstrapped me from the cold ground

The One that led my steps, though weak and confused

 

He shuts my eyes so that I can see Him clearly

 

Like the lost intercity kid, trouble after issue after incident occurs 

And I am finally caught. 

No denying it, no blaming it on others. 

He sits me down and looks at me with a piercing search.

A staring contest with a pre-determined loser, 

I look away, only to be pulled back instead 

The Gamble with Great Return

 

"What . . . what happens next? What do you want me to do?"

 

"Stay out of trouble and watch Me reshape you. I will show you what to do and I will put the right people in your life. I will always be here just as I always have been, whether you were able to see it or not. Trust Me despite how much that may seem impossible. I'm in charge and I'm good at what I do - the best actually. Open your heart to Me and your eyes to now and enjoy yourself with the people that genuinely love you."