Tears

I hide my face because I don't want anybody to know I've been crying

I keep my secrets to myself because I can't admit that I'm dying

I know in a way I'm lying but I just keep on smiling,

cuz this pain I feel I wouldn't wish it on my enemy

It burns so bad like fire on a high degree

A high degree, I wish I had my degree maybe then this wouldn't be so bad you see

This is the sad in me; a part that I'm afraid to see

I thought I let it be alone with my last destiny

Please see the best in me, there's more when my soul is set free

But I'm hurt now, because I've fallen back into that ditch that I worked so damn hard to dig and bury my unmentionables

And somehow this degrading randevou with you put me into my own grave

To face those demons I defeated, only to have the same battle repeated

Is it ironic or am I just that fucking stupid!

God has given me the power of knowledge but I never really used it! His mercy, I abused it!

So if the shoe fits I'll use it to walk that mile back to the ditch

This time I'll dive in it because I deserve to be there. I worked so hard to get out but then I sabotaged my success and landed right back in this mess

So why so many tears? I've been here before whom or what shall I fear?

Hell, it's not even a new muthafuckin year!

I BLAME MY INSECURITIES for pushing me to desire belongingness

I thought I was over this!

Why can't I accept my acceptance and forgive the relentless

Because I'm only hurting myself. I feel this pain and no one else

I spend lonely nights upset over my little chest, my slightly wide abdomen, and my lack of backside voluptuous

Whoever said it was about apprearanc?! Ok let's make this clearance, oh sorry let's make this clear I'm a bad bitch and I only get better each year!

NO I'm a savage and God is all that I should fear. But none of that is remotely close to the truth because if it were, I wouldn't be in this ditch; guilt ridden and covered with dirt

And that little area under my left breast shouldn't be surrounded with fear nor hurt

But who can I blame? I caused this, moreso I allowed it to happen all because I wanted to be happy

Sex is pleasure followed by an enormous amount of pain if you aren't safe in having sex who can you blame?

A moment of pleasure has now become your ditch, because now your pregnant, alone, and suffering from a problem you can't fix

Every action derrives a consequence, and every nut has a potential baby in it

Please don't judge me because you'll be judging forever, just accept what is and let go it's for the better

My ditch has now become 17 feet deep, so climbing to the top is way out of my reach

So I lay still stuck in my own sorrows my world came to a hault but in reality it's tomorrow

oh now it's tomorrow's tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow, these damn days, I can't seem to follow!

I just wallow here woman enough to face my own fears, here in this ditch filled with regrets and my own TEARS....