The Tears On My Cheeks

I feel like I'm drowning Retreating into my mind My brain hurts My legs numb My arms heavy and palms sweaty Body throbbing and tears streaming I lay, crying And sobbing And scratching And screaming Maniacally Thrashing Convulsing Dark dreaming My pupils dilate My irises brighten My eyes burn and sting and blur My vision is missing My brain is muddled, filled with rushed whispers I need it cleared Have to focus Another scream rips out as my body flips on its side and hits my head into my pillow I have to breathe Ignore Focus Find my reality 5 things I see Blanket T-shirt Ceiling Hand Tears-stop, desk Breathe in, breathe out In, out 4 things I feel Pillow Clothing Futon Ceiling- no, blanket Breathe in, breathe out In, out 3 I hear My voice which is raspy My hamster while he's drinking The static from the lightbulbs, Quiet, subtle Just like me Breathe in, breathe out In, out 2 smell Boyfriend on my shirt Hamster in his cage Relax Calm Breathe In, out In, out 1 thing I taste My mouth Heh Everything is okay My boyfriend is calling now, He's here Worried about me I walk slowly downstairs, Embracing my newfound peace and easily ignoring The tears on my cheeks