I am new to love

In the past,

All “love” was to me

Was sex

To keep those “partners” I had

Whom were mostly online strangers

I sold my innocence at 12

Displayed my body at 13

And almost threw away my virginity at 15

“The most fatal blow is inexperience”

Bad habits still carry on from those times

My lacking confidence

Twisting the blame onto myself

Distrust and paranoia

And the worst of all

Jealousy

“Love is the pinnacle of all human emotion…”

“More passionate than hope…”

“...Far deeper than despair.”

I had been trying as an immature kid

To learn what love was through works of fiction

Art and music both influenced

 

I tried my hardest to believe in those dramatic love stories

Always with a happy ending

I tried to ignore horribly twisted adult things

The expectation and stereotype that women are only good to please

I ignored my desire to love other women as well

And that I far more desired to be a male

All to satisfy those people who only came to me for pleasure

“There is no right way to climb the tower”

I’m glad I went through those times though

I still may be healing

But i have learned what a relationship wasn’t to me

I didn’t want to go “astray”

I wanted something secure

Someone who didn’t care about sex

Someone who loved me for me

However I had given up

At 16 I went through my Junior year without even daring to fall in love again

The quiet was nice

…

 

Until I met you

So unexpectedly

It was at V.A.S.E.

 

An art competition

By some silly habit

I always handed out notes with my social media

I knew already the 3rd year going

No one would actually bother to talk to me

I saw you first

I knew somehow

I had to have you

Through dreadful anxiety I wrote a special note to you

I sent it your way with my friends to deliver it

I remember the moment you looked up at me

My heart filled with the same pit pat

I hadn't felt in years

Later on that day

Right as our school was packing up and leaving for the day

Your friend passed me a note

Heart beating fast as ever

I held it with honor in my hand

Opened it so delicately

Inside was a phone number

And a small, nervously written message

Every since that day

 

I have had a new light to hold onto

I know not everyone is as lucky as me

To find the right one

You never teased me

Not even jokingly

You always support me

You accept me for who I am

And I accept you as you are too

The more time passes the more I love you

I cannot even imagine

What life would be like without you

I can already say with confidence a few things:

You have saved my life

You have made me grow as a person

And have made me more gentle

You have made me more happy than anything in my life

And

I want to marry you

Grow old with you and have kids

I think everyday about what we should do

A trip to Japan

Have our own animation studio together

 

Many other things too

I worry maybe I don’t do enough for you

But you always assure me I do

I can’t begin to describe my love for you

You’re just amazing

You are the cutest princess in my world to me

“You’re an earthly comfort, yet so divine”

You have given me everything I want

Acceptance, Love, Support, Trust, Laughs, Warmth, Protection, Shelter

I want to let the world know how much I love you

And I’m so sorry

I’m unsure of how to tell you

All I can do is show you

By giving you a nice cozy home

Kids of our own

Support through bad times

Trips and dates we go on

And saying

“Will you please take my hand in marriage?”

I love you Tem