The Tempest Upon My Soul

I stare at childhood pictures of myself from ages ago, and wonder

That was me?

A long time ago, in some far off time.

When did my smiles get bigger because I didn’t care who was watching?

When did I stop becoming so timid?

When did I get glasses frames that were bigger instead of those smaller?

I used to be one of the tallest kids in my class, when did I slow down to the middle?

That’s the thing about growing up

Looking back at yourself, and being astonished at the change between those years,

Even though it felt like nothing happened at all.

But I can remember when it happened to me.

I was in the seventh grade and a new girl came in like a whirlwind.

She was rounder than any seventh grader would have approved of and louder than the moon is high

But she never cared who was watching.

She was herself, unabashedly and unapologetically herself, with her sad eyes that told me the world was darker than I thought

But with a loud mouth whose music told me it was also beautiful.

She taught me that you can dance in the rain, on hot coals, on clouds

And to not care that anyone was watching me.

She taught me to live boldly because the judgement of others was not a noose around my neck

And that its tightening would not kill me and that I could breathe with it pressing down on me

I could even ignore it all like she did, smiling while

Taking my mind to a place where our brands will become a dull ache and then fade to silvery scars.

I was meek and invisible hands made of swirling clouds of doubt and fear

Would wind around my mouth and mash my teeth and prevent my words from escaping.

My childhood self was scared of feeling the fires of judgement so I never spoke up,

But then I encountered a tempest, who tore away the fields of judgement like they were paper,

Whose laughs were her shields that disguised her tearful eyes

Her giggles lit up the world and a path that showed me how to be bold as well.

Her light made my smile grow bigger, and my steps became lighter as she taught me to walk on light.