Terrible Past

Dear you,

It’s been almost five years since it happened

As I lay in bed at night sometimes, I can't help but feel saddened

To think that I live everyday hating this being so much

But not saying anything for fear of being misjudged

I feel disgusted to even think about it, and a rush of shame fills my whole body

But I know that I can’t tell anybody.

And you dare to say you regret it, and beg me for your pardon?

Nothing can describe how much I despise you

You disgust me, and this hate that I carry with me

Will unfortunately remain in me, but I long to be free

From that past that haunts my whole being.

As I silently cry at night, screaming for help

But until I forgive myself, will I be able to forgive you.

I know you’re not the only one at fault

But what you did to me was an assault

An assault on my innocence

But I was just a child, and you an old man

A man who was conscious of what he was doing to me.

Oh, dear mother how sorry I am

For the pain that I have caused you

I truly am sorry

How many times did you asked me

Why I hated this creature so much

But I could not bring myself to tell you,

For I knew greater pain it would cause you

As the years go by, I think about it more and more

And I wonder if I will have the guts

To tell you of this man

I wonder If you will ever forgive me

Because I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.

There’s not much left to say

But the agony of what remains

Of that untold past that I think about everyday

Which keeps me in chains.

Sincerely,

A girl without a voice