The Terrifically Tragic True Story of Rapunzel

The Terrifically Tragic True Story of Rapunzel goes like this:

She’s still hung up on her ex--that slimeball, Prince Chris,

Who dumped her at the gas station, with a smile and a hiss,

The lottos and the cigarettes clenched in his greasy fist,

“‘Punz, you wouldn’t be a priss and your love I’d not resist

If your hair was a little longer than this, just a little bit longer than this.”

The Terrifically Tragic True Story of Rapunzel continues so:

She drove home to her tower, let herself in, feelin’ low,

Lied upon her bed, looked at the ceiling, long and slow,

With a solemn vow she swore to make Chris come back--oh!,

She would lock herself in until her hair would long grow,

Her only view a small window, that small, grimy window.

The Terrifically Tragic True story of Rapunzel reads on rather bleak:

‘Punzie was obsessed with her mane’s length, day, night, and week,

She forgot her family, her friends, and her talents, (gymnastics and speaking Greek),

Googling hair growth treatments to make Chris think her less of a freak,

But then she heard he couldn’t see her; his eyesight was supposedly weak

The truth was that jerk was with Snow so chic, Snow White so sleek and so chic.

The Terrifically Tragic True Story of Rapunzel’s saddest part to bear,

Is that nobody really knew ‘Punzie at all, they only saw her hair

Tangled and splitting and weighing her down, strangers would laugh and would stare

The heartbreak behind Rapunzel’s strands was reduced to tales that they’d share

And she cried and she cried and she cried and she cried over a man she thought found her fair,

Poor ‘Punzie thought worth was found in him there, that so much worth was found there.

No one knew she was funny, no one knew she was kind,

No one knew she laughed loudly and made cookies sublime.

Rapunzel let one person be a poisonous dart--

From her tower and her setbacks she refused to depart

So the world got no look into her incredible heart.