Test (25 April 2013)
"Today, you are going to take a test
that will show what you know."
I look around the room
as the proctor drones on.
Nobody else is listening.
I wonder what they've paid
to be here.
Hours and hundreds spent
just to hear the words,
"This is what you do."
"This is what they expect of you."
And what about me?
What did I pay
What did I pay
to be here today?
Well, my sanity, of course.
What else?
Today, you are going to take a test
that will define your future
Please open your booklets to page one.
We begin.
The scratching of pencils against paper
white noise against a wall of
crushing silence
Fill in, move on
Halfway done
but there's something wrong.
The answers begin to look exactly the same
A: NONE OF THE ABOVE
B: NONE OF THE ABOVE
C: NONE OF THE ABOVE
D: NONE OF THE ABOVE
And with that I realise where I am.
I am in a room, damning myself to failure
I am in a room, watching the others
secure their own success,
one bubble at a time.
We are a product of their expectations
Their needs become ours
You need to pass this test.
You need to make us proud.
You need
to be pretty
to be smart
to be better
to be the best
And what about me?
What are my choices?
I am none of the above.
And so:
what does this mean?
Which do you fill in
when none are the best answer?
With each question
my future recedes.
I look ahead,
turn to the last page
to see what awaits me. . .
I couldn't get into college,
so I couldn't do what I wanted to
and I couldn't find a reason to live
Who loves a loser, anyway?
I had been deemed
to be "less than",
x < 0
because of this test.
I've nearly finished.
I look down at the
rows and columns of little black dots
that represent the rest of my life.
One
more to go.
I cross out the answer choices
and write in my own.
A: I GIVE UP.
B: FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION
C: FAILURE IS
D: INEVITABLE.
"Put down your pencils.
Close your booklets.
Your time
is
up."
Comments
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Alexandra_Bisda
10 years ago
Wow! An amazing poem! It's so vivid and it creates an image of the classroom. There's a struggle, a vulnerability, humanity. I wrote a poem about TCAP. I remember writing about how boring it was and how I could fall asleep and travel to a forest in a dream. But this is soo much better.