testing

where do i start

writing this is meaningless

that seems like as good a place as any

just because ive dealt with things doesnt make me special

everyone has their own demons

mine are simply my own and no one elses

no one dealt with things exactly how i dealt with mine

no one was created exactly how i was created

everyone is different

even twins

by a few cells at least 

i cant blame anyone else for the fact that

my insides were formed broken

that they broke on the impact

of that first blood flow

and kept breaking as it went on

i did nothing to myself that made this happen

i just grew normally outside while my organs writhed within

it wasnt the surgeons fault that fixing what could be seen

only left the things unseen

 to grow and ache and scream their agony into my nerves

its not my fault that i have to take the pills

not my fault that im terrified to have children

because of the fear that my twisted womb would kill them before they could live

none of this is any excuse to blame others or myself

 i could

but i wont