texas wildflowers do not understand death
blue monarchs do not understand death
and while a cemetery supposed to be somber and grounding i immediately get distracted by a caterpillar
“dad is it poisonous? can i pick it up?”
“i don’t know, sweetheart” he dismisses.
caterpillars, if following their trajectory, will never die
caterpillars do not understand death
but for some it’s antithetical
since baby lambert lived only two days
baby lambert does not understand life
and for some, they carry duality
the inchworm on the grave of Mauricio Antonio Escobar Sr. -
“it’s him,” i thought.
the little spring green creature carried the old man’s spirit.
that inchworm understands life and death
and i like to think i, too, understand death
since i dreamed the day he would die [April 4th]
long before that day came
but premonition/luck is not understanding
despite how much i fear it
despite how often i desire it
despite how exasperatedly my panic reminds me of it
i do not understand death, either.
and maybe i don’t need to
if it is inevitable
i needn’t understand what i can’t be taught
i must understand what i can to the fullest
because i understand the inchworm and its spirit
that caterpillar and its lifespan
that monarch’s blueberry wing
and that texas wildflowers help me understand life.