thank you for everything

“I’m getting better.

Why can’t 

you see that?”

I do. 

I do I do I do I do I do I do I do. 

But

I look at you

and can't help

but see lies.

But see

play pretend.

I see 

another trap

jaws yawning wide

to swallow me again.

All I see

is another fist

slamming into my gut

until I lie on the floor

whimpering like a dog. 

But what I’ve never heard

is I’m sorry. 

And why?

Cause now I feel

such a rage at you. 

I DIDN’T DESERVE TO COME HOME CRYING TO WANDERING HANDS.

I DID NOT DESERVE YOUR ANGRY WORDS AND VIOLENT CLASPS.

I DID NOT DESERVE TO TIPTOE OVER THE SHATTERED GLASS OF YOUR WORLD BEFORE MINE WAS EVEN BUILT. 

WHY DID YOU HURT A SIX-YEAR-OLD CHILD?

WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME WHY ME

WHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYMEWHYME?

I did not deserve

to carry a burden

before I carried my first backpack. 

So excuse my unbelief 

because you never

deserved my trust

in the first place.