Thank You Note

I wrote a poem once about how you need to break

To truly shatter if you ever want to learn to put yourself back together again

Because no mosaic is built without first becoming broken pieces

And I guess that poem was a thank you note

So thank you

Thank you for breaking me like sea glass

Crashing against the shore

Reminding me every time I go outside

How unlovable I really feel

But thank you for the poems

The words

And the stanzas

And the paragraphs

And the paragraphs

And the paragraphs

Because the truth is I could not concentrate over the sound of my beating heart.

So when you ripped it out

I could finally hear the wind

I could finally hear the whispers of life

And of death

And of all the poems I have written or may someday write

Since you are gone

Thank you for showing me how to die

How to crumble in a foreign city

And how to live again

Without every thing you thought kept you alive.

Thank you for the surprises

The realization that I am stronger than I thought

That you are weaker than I thought

And that the world is so much darker than we both thought

And someday I will stand on a stage

And say my thank you’s to anyone who helped me arrive at that place

And I’ll thank you most of all but you won’t know I said it

No one will know I said it

And maybe you would have if you I were there

As if I’d ever let you be.

As if cold isn’t the only feeling I associate you with now

So thank you for helping me appreciate the warmth of other lovers

Thank you for always telling me I deserved more though we knew it wasn’t true

Though we knew you could be more you just didn’t want to

And thank you for not wanting to

I learned so much from you

And I really do thank you

I’m just sorry I ever loved you

But this isn’t an apology this is a thank you

Thank you for the dinners

And the movies

And all the drinks

That I used to think were gifts

And thank you for the tears I used as ink

For the inspiration in your indifference

And heartbreak is the gift that keeps on giving

And I know you’ll never stop taking

And I’ll never stop thanking

But thank you for letting me go

For not holding me closer

For not kissing me longer

For not texting every day

And for never pretending to love me