There's a small thing I can't live without
it beats inside me, no matter what
it scratches at the silver linings of my brain
sometimes it fools me into believing I can have anything.
There's a thing I can't live without
30 days, 31 days
time relevant only when the thing decides to let me go
the thing is me.
I can't live without the other me inside my head
she doesn't do anything
Oh! but she does
she is the voice inside my head that tells me I am not enough even when it's a lie
There's a me I can't live without
She and I have been together a long time, but I don't remember when we first met,
whispering sinful thoughts into my head,
a lovely "you can't" too often and the more than occasional "why are you alive" into every atom I consist of.
I don't want her to leave so I welcome her into my bed along with me,
she is me after all,
to warm and wet the cheeks of the me everyone else sees with her version of the world
She is the thing I can't live without.
She is the thing that will never leave me, the thing that I have grown so accustomed to that I don't mind her staying anymore
but even so she hurts me
why does she hurt me
I thought I was supposed to love myself.
There's A Thing I Can't Live Without
She is a person who lives inside me
She is me but she doesn't share the same name, no
Today she told me her name,
I hear negative things of her but I don't believe them
she is me
surely she wouldn't lie to me.
I trust her,
but there are times when I glance at a foreign happiness
times where she sleeps and lets the physical me take over
and I can see how good it feels to be alive for a moment
for just a moment, I can do anything again
For just a moment, Depression leaves me.
in that moment she regains all the energy she had lost before,
she laces my mind with a sadnes i've come to find beautiful,
because to me her tactic is beautiful.
she is the best of us two.
I think, "you will get through"
because I will, I always do.
And when I do she gives me the most beautiful reward of all.
She gives me another small glimpse of that happiness I told you about, and I love her
I am grateful to her.
She's not evil
She is just me
a me that got beaten down too easily, or maybe just too hard.
But I am helping her
I motivate her to keep trying when I am able
I think it worked
She's smiling now
but the world doesn't want her to stay up
She's not smiling anymore
and she punishes me
this time I don't glimpse anything, not for a long time and I forget what it is I was even hoping for
I don't feel
I don't care.
She can just lay there if she wants.
I realize it's not her fault, or mine
so I continue the struggle.
Depression is inside of me
but one day maybe I can show her how great the outside is and she'll leave and be happy elsewhere
Until then, She is the thing I can't live without.