They Call it Unhealthy

They call it unhealthy I used to disagree
that everything I used to do to me
Put death right in my face
They call it a disorder I can't say much more
Everything I used to hear was what tore
Me apart in the first place.
Are you anorexic? That's the question I was constantly asked
Just because my metabolism moved a little more fast
Than everyone else in my 4th through 10th grade class.
It's true the more you hear something the more likely you are to believe it
And I heard it so many times my brain would replay it.
I decided to be the main actress in that movie and the skinny movie title has since stuck with me
It was my little secret that everyone else could clearly see
Soon after I kept that secret in
I started thinking about what would happen then
I'd told myself that I could get a bit more thin
This downgrading attitude wasn't part of my imagination.
It came from some peers and the media's creation.
There’s girls out there that think they
Gotta have that: "flawless face, skinny waist, bleach blonde hair, attitude like ‘I don't care’, blue eyes and gorgeous thighs to turn around and blow a kiss because baby they can't handle this"
Always wanted a guy
where I could say "he's sweet like candy and I'm sugar high"
But then I remember candy is fattening and I back away
Wondering how much weight I gained that day.
I continued my attempt to become those dolls
The ones in the beds beside me in that plastic hospital,
I look at my doctor and he looks just like Ken
and standing there was his nurse, Barbie, with her perfect body and a pen.

Expecting them to tell me I'm not healthy they make up diseases and say I'm not skinny enough only to make me feel less satisfied with myself.
For weeks, months, years this mentality continued and I took the pills I did the exercises to just make myself look a little bit better.
But everyday I was making myself sick in my mind and body everyday my self esteem was shot down as fast as a bullet out of a gun barrel and eventually that bullet pierced into me and I was killing myself. I don't deserve to die just because you think I'm not skinny enough to live.

I used to spend all my time like other girls out there
Trying to lose amounts of weight that just weren't fair
And the rest of the world couldn't figure out
Why I felt I wasn't good enough and carried self doubt
Like my security blanket it covered me
And skinniness was the only release i could see.
but that's crazy that's insane I was out of my mind
To think getting thin was the way to spend my time
The media and my surroundings told me to stay fit
But you know what?  Their idea of fit is bullshit.

I almost died three different times

I could hear the funeral chimes
From that moment on I changed my ways
And now this is the message I wish to convey
And don't let any body tell you otherwise these days
Because their attitude is just as plastic as the face they feel compelled to change
Your comfort with yourself is more important than how much of your body you exchange
To be perfect, there's no such thing.
So FUCK THAT and accept yourself.
It's not all looks that matter, worry about your health.

They call it a disorder, I can’t say much more

Anorexia is what tore

My life apart in the first place.

Don’t make that same mistake.


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