Thighs

Location

I am rejoicing today
Because even though 
There is famine in South Sudan
And my country is betraying its constitution 
Today is the day I celebrate victory on the home stretch 
Today my thighs have finally reconciled
After a years separation.

Today I recognize the fault
in my broken down rebel attitude
And dysfunctional perception
Of power and control
And no marriage councilor would have any qualms
Placing the blame on this child

But my thighs haven't had the time to forgive me for
Pulling them further apart until they
Forgot what the other felt like 
Beside them
I played them against one another
I've always had a talent for manipulation 
And I dragged my poor belly into it with me
Denying her grumbling requests to stop quaking 
Saying keep quiet, your 
Foiling my plan
And embarrassing me
But my thighs kissed again for the first time
In 365 days
And the anticipation for it
Like the first time Jack kissed Rose
Was debilitating 
For the excitement of the first time liberation
But shrouded with panic
Because I already know how that movie ends 
But I am sorry, thighs
I won't interrupt your romance 
Just to watch as grown men
Stare like children without a mother to correct them
Wishing to get between you
Ever
Again

It was some kind of malfunction
In my 14 year old brain
But I keep trying to assure myself not in my DNA 
And it must have become
Exacerbated 
While each skipped meal
Took 3 more of my irreplaceable and precious brain cells
And only took .4 ounces off my 99 pound body

 

And you never betrayed me,

You never gave out from beneath me

You held me while I walked for miles

Just to slim you

You only gave up a small fight

While I tried to confine you

Into the size zeros

In which you were barely able to exist in

Because you love to quake

And take up space

And you can consume a room

With your presence

You are marvelous

You are divine

You are reminiscent of all women’s thighs

That have graced the earth

Before mine

 

When you choose to spread

You welcome another into your

Romance

You are not to be pried apart

You have strength that can hold on tightly

Until kingdom- or somebody else

comes

You’ve created a circle around me

You are a throne upon which

I am honored to perch

You carry this body

That I am still trying to welcome

Into my life, and into my heart

 

And I can write you

An epic poem

A sonnet

A letter

Even thousands

And I will never stop apologizing

Because I tried to drain you

Of the dignity that you have worked so hard to

Obtain

And I tried to deny you your

Right to tremble

Like the ground during the rain

I am sorry,

But I also thank you

Because I am no longer ashamed

Or uncertain

Of whether or not

I deserve to take up this space

With your romance

You demand attention and respect

You spread out on bus seats

Saying “back off” so I don’t have to

You fill my leggings

And my jeans

And you spill out of my shorts

you are marevelous,

You are divine,

And I am so proud

To have the privilege

of calling you mine

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