Things About ME(:

I am 17 years old.
I am right handed like most people.
I am a girl.
I am somewhat an introvert.
Yet I tend to put myself into uncomfortable positions.

And I am always insecure about myself.

I always see that I am a regular girl who does ordinary things.
I am just average. I can never be anything special.
And....everyone else around me is beautiful and unique; but when I wake up and look in the mirror I don't see anything.
The mirror always breaks in front of me even before I could look.
I don't know how many times it's been replaced now.
I've been told many times that I'm a wonderful person.
People tell me "You're special" and "You're talented" compared to them.

I'm special in the way that I can't see myself as beautiful without words of discouragement written across my body.
I'm special in the way that I can't speak just one dialect of my mother language but rather I speak both dialects and it gets mixed up somewhere between the lines of Hmong Green and Hmong White.
I'm special in the way that I see myself as almost nothing compared to everyone else.
Of course, I do my best in school and do my best with life no matter how badly it falls apart because someone has told me that, as long as I'm trying that's good enough because I'm still putting effort into being alive.

I like poetry. I like to write it.
I like to have it written across my body to cover the scars of discouragement.
I like myself when nobody does.
Even though I wake up less confident more often than not during the weekdays.

I like how I can push myself past my own limits; no matter how much I regret it in the beginning because I KNOW that I will thank myself somewhere along the way.
I enjoy my bad puns that I make up.
I enjoy playing tennis and feeling my body the next day.
I enjoy dancing when I listen to music that sends pluses of energy through my blood veins and through the synapsis to my brain.
I enjoy being a nerd about some stuff; specifically Harry Potter but I would never join the Potterhead club at school.

But even so; I'm still insecure about myself.

I'm insecure about the poetry I write and the flow of words that come out my mind.
I know that no one can see nor hear it but my thoughts can get so loud inside my brain that I'm afraid of them myself.
I give myself headaches.

I'm insecure that people can see me as what I am and that they hate me already without saying a word to me.
I'm insecure about change.
So when I changed schools from Ronald Reagan to Rufus King; I was insecure.

I still somewhat am.
Senior status or not.
I know I said I tend to place myself in uncomfortable positions but I also said that I regret those choices in the beginning.
I won't thank myself until I graduate with a Medical Doctor Diploma though.
(That is something I'm hoping to gain later in the future of course)
But dreams and life goals change over the years.

I started with wanting to become an animator.
Then a writer.
And now a nurse.
You never know where life takes you.

I am a Christian.
Many times people would just hear that and start creating space between them and I because of the twisted ideas and understanding they have about Christians now a days but I'm not the kind where I tell you you'll go to Hell because you don't believe.
I know people know. And if they don't; then I educate them if they're willing.
We're all people and we're all the same so therefore I respect you if you can respect me.
But of course many people don't believe in respect these days and always want to discourage it.

Yes I don't believe in same sex marriage nor do I support LBGTQ but that doesn't mean I don't respect your choices because all sin is equal at the end of the day.
I sin.
I'm not perfect.
I know this.
That's why I respect other peoples choices.
And when I find that I'm pressuring my morals onto someone I quickly stop my self because I shouldn't waste my time after they've said no.
Otherwise wouldn't that be considered rape?
When a woman says no the man continues and says that it's not "rape" and vice versa.

Forgive me of my metaphors if they don't make sense but I miss writing poetry.
Poetry misses me.

I am a part of many clubs at school.
I am a full IB student.
I am not the best at math.
Correction: I actually suck at it.

If you asked me to add one plus one then I would tell you 2 would be the obvious answer.
But if you asked me to do some algebra or chemical equation and write it out then I won't be able to give it to you.

I tend to place myself into uncomfortable positions and regret them later.

If I were asked what I regret the most in high school;
It would be signing up as Full IB