The Things I'll Never Say

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You make me insecure.

You lied.
You looked me right in the eye and lied to me to save yourself.
Because god forbid you ever be held responsible for your actions. 

You played me. 
You took my weakness for you and exploited my feelings for late at night when you wanted someone to “talk” to. You said it was more than that but I should have known what I was to you.
You said you cared.
You told me you had feelings but you won’t even treat me pleasantly unless I’m in a low cut top and a skirt. 

I cried in front of you. 
I cried and now I find out you’re laughing behind my back. 
I let you comfort me. 
I let you in and you don’t even care. 
I let myself feel things I’ve never felt before because of you. 
And now I know I’m just your fantasy when your stiff.
Now I know that you unravel that evil beckoning silk you call words for every girl. 

You used me. 
You used me and I keep coming back.
I should hate you.
I should absolutely loath your presence but you still give me butterflies.
You still make me smile. 

I like someone else.

I like him and I hold back because every time I leave, you pull me back in.
I’m doomed to a perpetual dancing back and forth betwixt you two.

He’s better for me.
But he doesn’t call me beautiful like you do. 
You’re so confusing and your illusion is hard to break even though I’ve broken it a thousand times. 

He doesn’t know.
And I won’t tell him because there’s a risk he’ll turn out like you. 
Because anyone can be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You kick me down.
You talk as if I’m only good enough for fantasies and being used and cast aside. 
When you hear it so much it’s hard not to believe it.
I just want your honesty. 

No matter how much it hurts.

Just tell me the truth! 
That’s all I want! 
Just tell me how you really feel! 

So I can be free. 

You make me insecure.

Just give me the key to these shackles. Free me. 
Because I don’t know how much more I can take before I break.

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