Things that make me cry Instantly

My mother cries in her car after work--

I am the reason for her tears.

My brother will never call and soon he will forget about us.

The first line of that song--that man in the song-- he can’t sleep, he is overthinking--that song--

Overkill--

those words you said to me--your flat voice--your anger--“don’t tell anyone.”

I lie in my bed staring at the dark ceiling thinking--wondering--

what will I do when my parents die?

--I think of the smell of playdough.

The first time my mom left me--Kindergarten.

The second time my mom left me--work.

The third time--I didn’t notice.

I will never notice.

All I can see is my teacher; a disappointed look on her face.

I see the students around me beaming at their test and all I feel is heat--extreme heat--heat rising to my cheeks.

I wanted to run away.

I always wanted to run.

wandering off

like a child.

The distance.

The space.

The loss.

I thought of the word, empty--

the moment I realized it wasn’t the feeling of completeness I craved,

but the feeling of not being empty.