the things that nobody sees

Fuck life, fuck pain, fuck sadness, fuck it all. Pain and sadness just shows weakness and I’m done being weak and showing that I am weak. I don’t care anymore, I don’t care about emotions, I don’t care about anything anymore. I am just going to end the pain by pushing down my emotions until I am numb cuz then I won’t need to worry about emotions and weakness cuz there won’t be anything left to care about. I just can’t anymore. I am tired, emotionally, mentally, and physically just tired so fuck all of this emotion and sadness shit cuz I am done with it. I just want to drown it all out. I want to go drink and I want to get high. I just want to do something to drown it all out. What is the point of being able to logically think when all I can think about is the things that hurt me and the things that cause my pain. I am so fucking tired. Tbh all I can really do anymore is just put my headphones in, turn the music all the way up, and block out/drown out everything around me, because what else am I supposed to do. Am I just supposed to talk to someone and hope that they help me get through my pain cuz believe me I have already tried that and they all just say the same thing, “hey it’s okay, you’ll be okay, you’ve just gotta give yourself time to heal.” well fuck all of that because I don’t need time to heal, I need to drown out everything and go numb. honestly though like what is the point of feelings, they are so pointless. it's the true pain that the parents don't see, and they always focus their attention on other things and people and people will always ask everyone else if they are okay but its at the times when you are in the most pain when nobody seems to actually care. those are the things that nobody actually sees...