Third Sunday in June

I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

I wonder if you've ever felt an ounce of guilt because of me,

or if you've forgotten completely about your past.

Someone asked me once how I make it through that day every year.

Distraction, that's my answer.

I try to laugh a lot and I hope that in the midst of everything I'll be able to forget that it's the third Sunday of June.

I hope that I'll be able to forget about someone who's on my mind 24/7.

I laugh, I hope, I distract, and most importantly I try to forget because remembering gets too hard sometimes.

But the fact that there's a day meant for celebrating someone like you isn't even the worst part.

The worst part is that you still get to be celebrated despite me,

despite my wide eyed little brother,

and despite God knows who else is out there.

The fact that you left behind more children than you've kept,

and you're still considered a good father by some people.

The three girls that you chose to spend your life with

will probably bring you home a white coffee mug that says "worlds greatest dad" on the side in red letters.

Maybe they went into a dollar store and saw it sitting on a shelf.

And when their eyes lit up they thought of you and knew they had to buy it.

They'll bring it home to you,

filled with some kind of candy,

and you'll accept it.

You'll tell them how happy you are to be a part of their lives.

But you won't tell them about me,

and you won't tell them about the little 11 year old boy that can't even remember your name half the time.

You won't tell them about the mystery you left behind in Chicago

that may or may not have darker skin and curlier hair.

I guess that's okay though.

You couldn't grow up enough for us.

You forced me to feel things I should've never had to feel when I was so young.

But, at least there's 3 little girls out there who hold onto their ignorance and breathe in the bliss.

Let them breathe it in for as long as they need to.

Let them believe that you really are the "worlds greatest dad"

because trust me, nobody else ever will.