Thirty Seconds

I am currently in love But I can’t accept the feeling burning in my chest I put repellent on my ribs Trying to shoo away the butterflies in my stomach I picture us watching a movie on the couch Every now and then pausing to kiss But my mind tunes out the sounds of the TV And the urge in my heart to love you I feel like doing stupid things when I’m with you But my brain thinks it’s friendship I can’t risk breaking my battered heart Not by knowing that I lose you along with my mind I want your heart but I can’t give you my soul My burdens are too big for you to carry And I can’t see myself suffering again I don’t want ignorance coming from your lips I want to fall in love with you I truly do But everytime my heart beats looking at your pretty eyes My brain pulls me back Making me beat for a random guy That’s when my pulse slows down Because when I’m with you I feel too fast for life As if I’m on the verge of the finish line Holding your hand may I add I don’t want you to see my scars But I want to date you at the same time I know how this relationship would end if you loved me back I run away, screaming, with blood on my bare feet Hoping to get eaten by coyotes in my driveway Sacrificing myself to an alligator in the lake My brain says it’s to keep my heart safe But my life will then stay the same Falling in love then forcing myself to fall out of it Dating someone then my parents telling me to quit I can barely hold my breath for thirty seconds What makes you think I can wait these four years?