This Heavy Weight

They say I’m talented, The first of our grade, Each saying that I will again be first, But all wanted me to fall. This heavy weight on my shoulders, Is truly tiring, Like hands closing around my throat, And I don’t have the bravery to drop it. I fear disappointments, Fear the head shakes of teachers, I fear being laughed at, Fear the awkwardness when people mention me. Sometimes I wish to move, Somewhere far away, From the people, the laughs, the silence, But I cannot, with the heavy weight. Sometimes I stay up late at night, Just to fix a small error, Because I cannot be imperfect. I must be perfect, To have a chance against them, To show them I’m not worthless, The mask is too hard to take off now. I am like a puppet, Controlled by people’s opinions, Of what they think of me, All because I can’t drop the heavy weight.