Thomas

by DestinyAndrews

March 24, 2014

Avenues and alleyways
Spending days so afraid

Afternoon and coffee

Wishing tiredness away

Always wanted to follow you home

You skip rocks and I throw stones

Always wanted to follow you home

And unravel all the stitches she’d sewn

Conversation and alienation

Spending hours on end

At your door with anticipation

Got a lot to say but I don’t know when

You shouldn’t promise me

Honestly

You shouldn’t promise me

Honestly

It’s all I ever think about

Promises I could do without

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Comments (2)

DestinyAndrewsMar 25, 2014

<p>Thanks it's originally supposed to be a song so I can see how it's not as thought through without the melody! Thanks for the suggestions! :)</p>

QVMar 25, 2014

<p>"Always wanted to follow you home/You skip rocks and I throw stones/Always wanted to follow you home/And unravel all the stiches she'd sewn", lovely stanza! The piece begins with movement and action, the images are simple but effective. I would like to sugget two things. The first is perhaps revising the ending of the third stanza "Got a lot...when", it loses the lyricism of the piece (because of the two unaccented words "a got"). The "when" of at the end implies reading ahead (for example "but I don't know when You shouldn't promise me..."). Secondly, I wonder if you have considered a little word play in the last stanza, "You shouldn't promise me honesty.... promise me honestly", just a thought. Keep on writing and sharing. QV</p>