The Thought

The room around, dark, cold, and silent, I shake; I shiver, and sway with fear, The tears that pour rapidly down are violent, while the decision to make draws near. The thought to grasp the metal firm in my hands, The thought that brings joys and sadness, The thought that the devil commands, The thought she cries says, stop this madness. Filled with anger and filled with rage, She dives to me arms out to embrace, She knows I will never see true age, I grab her firmly and glare into her face. The thought of hearing her cry, The thought to the only thing that hinders me, The thought of forcing a good bye, The thought of the stains she'll see. Thinking of the blood I will shed, I laugh and wickedly smile, You can't save what's already dead, So stop trying for a while. The thought of the voices whispering rest, The thought, the best, and choice they say, The thought the world is only a pest, The thought of in hell I will stay. Stay, lay, and do not stray, the voices tell me from within, The path is to narrow; you can't delay, Time to fulfill your mortal sin. The thought to pull the eager trigger, The thought to let the wind go, The thought of his entire rigor, The thought of times ago. He is a demon, the one I am to call father, The one I hate, only similar by trait. It is pointless to even bother, For I was forced beside him by fate. The thought of old peace, The thought of happiness omnipresent, The thought of kinder days now cease, The thought that forms is no longer pleasant. I grimace at the sound of his voice, Seeing his face I scream out in pain, So no longer will I squirm by this choice, The bullet will block it as that of a train. The thought that she'll forgive me, The thought she never will, The thought it's time to use hell's key, The thought of my life, stolen by this kill.