Thoughts

Somehow I always end up failing.

No matter how hard I try there is always something

Something that prevents the desired outcome i always hope for

I've always had this problem

Not being able to talk right

So I practice

And it's dorky

But it helps

It helps me to think things through

And sometimes leads to success

But failure is always 

Lurking behind the corner

There's always the possibility 

That I could lose someone

Someone important to me

And it scares the butterflies out of me

That one time

I'll mess up and lose one of the most important people in my life

So i'm always drowning

Drowning in the fear of making a mistake

But always swimming

Swimming toward one day being able to speak professionally

But other social interactions provide 

Other opportunities for failure

 I have never known what's right

And what's wrong

And I'm scared I'll lose people because of that too

I honestly don't know what to think about all my fears

Some say they are wrong

That the people who mind don't matter

But what if they do

What if they matter for a reason that makes sense only to me

Others will say that my fears are legitimate and that I should learn to be socialble

But I have been trying for sixteen years

And it just doesn't happen

Thunder rolls

And lightning flashes

Rain pours

But all i hear 

Is the sound of my voice

Trying to drown my fears