Thoughts on a New Me

Sometimes I like to think about trivial things
Like why I used to stick my hands in ice water
Or whether or not God is real
Sometimes I think about scary things
Like what the afterlife is like
Or what creeps around in shadows when it gets dark
Sometimes I think about hurting myself
Isolating myself
Making myself disappear
Sometimes I think about me being different
What if I wasn't like this?
What if I was more like that?
What if I wasn't such an asshole?
But then I think about how far I've come
From being an ignorant child to a less ignorant young adult
And I smile
Because I think I hate the old me more than I hate the new me