Three Gifts White

<p>Thank you for your encouragements and suggestions. I&#39;ve done what you said and revised this a bit. I still kept a lot of the same line breaks, but I edited quite a few lines out and I like the flow a bit more now. Of course, I still keep copies of all of my originals, but your help was most appriciated here! :) Thanks so much!</p>

<p>I enjoyed this one, especially moments like the gown woven from the snow flakes that I at first thought she was wearing, but then the poem reveals that it&#39;s a dress that surrounds them both. Your line breaks helped to create that sense of two things being possible (basically because as a reader reads, the breaks can keep then in suspense, and various meanings can co-exist). What I&#39;d recommend is that in writing a love poem, less is definitely more. So, I think you could really strengthen this poem by a bit of cutting here and there: going through it and seeing what lines are overwritten, or have used words or phrases that have been said many times before and have become clichés. If you&#39;re serious in this poem, and I think you are, then you don&#39;t want to make it super-super over &quot;romantic&quot;. Doing that would, in my opinion, take away the power of what you&#39;re trying to convey. Don&#39;t get me wrong, it&#39;s a successful poem, but, I feel some trimming would help. Finally, I really liked the closing line, the contrast between the couple&#39;s warmth and the beautiful cold that&#39;s around them. All the best, DMcL.</p>

<p>If you have opinions, I&#39;d love to hear them! :) Thanks!!</p>