Three Years
Much like my father,
I refuse to admit to my flaws
I evade revealing any of my own weaknesses.
Much like my father,
I am stubborn.
It was the kind of stubbornness that made you frustrated,
The kind of that would protect you
From any unwanted change, unwanted realities.
When my father arrived home from work,
There was silence.
The silence was harsh and desolate.
It was almost like a game,
But not the type you played for fun
This wasn't Monopoly,
It wasn't The Game of Life
It was my life.
You played this game in spite of the other who hurt you
You played to come out on top
Much like all the other games, you played to win.
But I wasn't winning
The game we were playing was long,
And I was losing so badly.
I was losing my relationship with my father
And after three years of playing,
I accepted defeat.
After three years of refusing to speak to my father
After three years were lost
I eventually realized and thought to myself,
"It's not worth it."
I knew that whatever we had argued about three years ago wasn't worth it
It wasn't worth the years of heartbreak and remorse that would follow
It wasn't worth losing my dad
To something far more unthinkable than death– my own stubbornness.
But I recognized I’d matured over those three years
I finally understood that we both had grown
Into different people, at a different time in our lives
Coming closer and closer to adulthood,
Part of me hoped that he, too, had recognized this.
I hoped that he recognized that I had indeed matured and changed
Over those three lengthy years
I hoped that he, too, was tired of playing this game
And could possibly forgive me.
I then decided to swallow my pride
And put all fear aside
So that I could apologize to my father
And in that very moment,
I had grown in more ways than one.
This year, marks another three years
Though these three years have not been nearly as quiet and bleak
The past three years have been kind to the both of us
And in restoring and rebuilding my relationship with my father,
I have grown, I have finally won
And those three years
Have made all the difference.