Tick

by inspireinsight

March 5, 2016

The wheels in my head never stop turning

Like the hands on a clock

That I wish could hold my heart

And say that I must keep moving on

Ticking and tocking until the hour comes

And I finally decide that it's time for me to learn from my wrongs

I can't live without you, so why aren't I dead?

I'm keeping you alive in the thoughts in my head

And it makes me ask,

How long will I hold on to the end of this rope

Because when I begged you to stay you asked me to go

Now I know there's things that love can't change

Like the nightmares, the scars

And how letting someone down just tears me apart

You see, I got lost somewhere in the I'm sorrys

And being someone you wanted me to be

When all I ever needed was someone to want me

The baggage the sins all these bad habits have formed

A prisoner for my need to medicate on something, someone

Anything to numb the screams of my demons but you

You made my heart beat so loud

I couldn't hear them for the first time

I swear you were going to go deaf by the amount of times

That I told you that I loved you

I'll never be enough

My edges have become rugged and rough,

Closer to a butter knife

And more useless than decaf coffee

When it came to loving you

I'll never tell you how long I'll be stuck

On how I could love you so hard but in all the wrong ways

Now every breath that I take pulls at strings inside of me

That are attached to broken things,

And the only heart I would ever be able to give

You would be the one made of stain glass walls

From all of my broken pieces

Somehow held clumsily together with my cold hands

I catch myself swearing

That one day I'll finally be true

To a good girl who deserves it like good girls do

There's a piece of my heart that you took

When I promised, I promised, I promised

That this wouldn't happen

I've broken every rule that I've known

Trying to find something like you

But nothing feels quite like home

And this hole in my chest won't let my soul rest

Until I stop swallowing

All of the joy that I have left

And I'm stuck yearning and turning,

Wishing I would find comfort in being alone,

But these lies, dreams and wishes

Are tearing at the seams of

This finally healing heart

And I sleep to silence the wheels in my head

Until they wake as I do

And I begin to tick again

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