This year has been a rollercoaster.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been on
One of these rides. Just when I try to
Steady myself atop a hill of these
Railings and someone sends me back
Around, but faster and bumpier.
I close my eyes so I won’t be
So dizzy, but my head spins nonetheless.
It’s gonna take time to be back to
My old self and improved, but I feel
As though time is the last thing I have.
It feels as though the clock’s ticking
Quickly and they’re asking me for the
World in just a day. I close my eyes
And fight tears. No time for them.
I shove all my emotions into
Bottles. No time for them.
I put my frustrations into a file.
No time for them. So much
Weight to haul and all of
The other things can wait.
Time passes so quickly.
No time, no time!
I’ll be fine. Just close your
Eyes until then. You’ll be fine.
You need to do your best
Right now. There are still things to do!
Hurry. Heal faster. Close your
Eyes until then. Just breathe,
Mays. Just breathe. No time,
No time. It can wait. Chill
Just enough to make it.
But time is what you need.
You can do better, but you need
To take time. What you really
Need requires it. Slow down.
Calm down, Santirece. Just calm down
Before all of this drives you to
Down bottles like nothing.
Chill. You’re right. Breathe.
But breathe at a pace slow
Enough for your heart
Stop beating so quickly.
Breathe so time stands still
Or goes slower. Don’t
Question yourself. It’s okay.
Where has this year gone?
How has my life turned
Into this? Where has time gone?
Where have your limits gone?
Where have I gone?
I look at my hands a moment
And I see the time I’ve spent
Trying to rush recovery.
Time! Time! Time is passing!
Hurry! Hurry! Do this,
Do that. Pay this, pay that.
Miss this day, we need to take
Care of this. Stop leaving
Early so much! I don’t care
Anymore! I don’t care about
Walking across that stage,
I don’t care about pictures,
Just let me graduate and
Leave me alone! I’m trying,
Inhale, Santirece.Just breathe.
Cry if need be, but stop dragging
These heavy, heavy weights with
Every ounce of strength you muster. You’re
Gonna break something.
You still have scrapes and bruises
From all the times you did so.
But before you lose it.
Pray. Do what it takes to get
Better. Just take your time.
Take your time.
Even if it feels limited…