time

After four years 

I’m still not okay 

After 48 months 

That’s all I get 

After 208 weeks 

That’s all you said 

After 1,461 days 

That’s all I have from you 

After 35,064 hours 

That’s all you sent 

After 2,103,840 minutes 

That’s all the time I am willing to give 

A piece of cardstock paper 

Folded in half with a straight crease 

A picture of a yellow and green bird on the right front side 

A quote written not by your hand but a printer, generic and plain 

“Out of sight but never out of mind” 

But isn’t out of sight and mind what you want 

But you wrote “to Katie, love … Mom” 

But what is there to show that you even love me any more 

Or ever did 

Who is to say that I could even call you Mom 

After a total of nine months without a phone call a letter or message 

How could I even call someone mom who can’t show unconditional love for her daughter 

Time has passed 

Opinions have changed 

I used to wait for you to call, sitting lonely by the phone instead of swimming with my friends 

I used to have tears flow down my cheeks while I tried to fall asleep 

Now I go out with worry of social anxiety 

Now I can sleep only with the help of melatonin 

But what never changed was my last memory of you 

Picking up the phone without a second to think before you acted 

Saying “come get her I can’t deal with her anymore” 

There was no I love yous 

I was missing from every family picture, Christmas card, and even all of my sibling’s birthday party’s 

There is no time span long enough to make up for every second of lost time with my own family 

Nothing could make up for the 2,103,840 minutes, 

The 5,064 hours, 

The 1,461 days, 

The  208 weeks,  

The 48 months, 

The 4 years 

However you want to count it 

It is too long to go without seeing, hearing, or hugging you 

For 4 years there was no sign of family 

For 4 years there was no sign of love 

You took away my siblings 

You took away my love for my life 

You send the card with a sentimental quote but isn’t the reason you wanted to send me away was so you wouldn’t have to deal with mental pain 

But what about my mental pain  

The feeling was unbearable 

When all the other kids go on pass to see their family’s for holidays 

And say I love you to each other and mean it 

After all those weeks I'm done crying 

after all those days I'm not going to care 

I will no longer wait for you after 4 years of suffering 

So good bye mother After 4 years  I’ve waited long enough