Time to Sleep

I sit alone in the room, waiting for something to happen as if there is a chance something might happen. It is almost 3am and I know I should be asleep, but my eyes can’t seem to close and my mind won’t stop to take a breath. I hear a distant horn and the sound of the wind sliding across the glass on the window as if asking to be let in. I see the snow outside and the faint moonlight illuminating the pavement like a starry sky. The room seems to be getting colder. Maybe I should have brought a blanket, but I don’t want to wake anyone. The dim light of the lamp reminds me that darkness is surrounding me and there is no escape. The clock is ticking like my heart to a rhythm that I can’t quite seem to comprehend. It makes me wonder if my heart will stop when the clock does. I’m hungry, but I’ve been hungry for a while now. Apparently hungry equals attractive though so here I am. My toes are getting colder and I contemplate putting them under the rug. I suppose I should throw out my tissue, I can’t let anyone know I was crying because men don’t cry and because I have nothing to be sad about. They tell me that I just need to get out more, but it’s hard to get out when your body can barely get out of bed. I feel like I’m falling, but I know I’m still sitting in this chair. It’s past 3am now. Maybe I should go to bed now and pray that it’s the last time I close my eyes. My friends have all gone back to their rooms and hopefully when I’m gone they can go back to their lives just as quickly. My eyes are beginning to feel heavy like the weight of my past pressing on the shoulders that seem too weak for the load. This is it though, maybe this time I won’t wake up. It’s time to sleep.