Time's Quarrel

Dear self,

I cannot look at him.

I cannot think of him.
I hate how he makes me feel,

but I also love it.

I fear that he will find someone better than me

even though he does not even know me.

This is why I hate this feeling,

because he will never know how I feel

even if he knew I existed.

Nevertheless, if he met me

he would not remember my existence.

I blend in with everyone else,

but my heart stands out.

There is no way to see what is hidden.

Therefore, my heart could never be revealed.

I am even afraid to tell others about this,

because they may say

you cannot fall in love with someone like you,

but it feels so different.

I am foolish to believe

that I have a chance with him,

but at least hope is what makes

me seem sane; humane.

If I were to give up believing,

then maybe I would be less of who I am.

I may also be foolish to believe

that I did not choose him as my bias

because I favorite him.

I am scared that something else

helped me to see him stand out from the others

and that he will never know me

to find out what that something could be.

I constantly ask myself

if I am ever feeling something

that I am ignorant of,

but I must be stupid to believe such deception.

Maybe I cannot stand to look at his pictures,

nor think about him,

because it aches me to know that he is real.

I cannot look at him,

because every time I do

my heart aches for him even more.

I fear that I will be too late to show him my heart,

for his heart may already belong to someone else.

I would advise to save yourself from corruption,

but it may already be too late.

It does not have to be a pipe dream,

so keep on believing even if time

is not your reality.

Sincerely, your future.