tired

"i'm so tired"

those words seem to constantly leave my mouth.

yet, i'm not when i lay my head down to rest.

i twist and turn at night to find some sort of comfort.

my bed comforts me but makes me feel like a stranger,

at the same time.

i can never sleep,

and yet when i'm away it's all i need.

you've created a wall between me and sleep.

you stand right in front of it.

guarding the key to my slumber,

and yet sometimes you give it to me.

only for me to wake up from your haunting of my nightmares.

you keep me up at night,

you're the reason of my brain's restlessness.

so many things fly through my mind 

as i finally settle for the night.

yet, i stare at my ceiling and question everything,

"what did i do to you?"

"what didn't i do?"

"why was she better?"

i gave you everything.

i did everything.

and now all i can do

since you left me all alone

to go chase your dreams,

is overthink.

i supported you.

i wished you the best of luck.

you're all i have.

you were my world.

i was there every minute and step of the way.

and now 

i still chase you as if you were my dream.