today

Today is here

The air is cold

My legs are frozen

So is my heart

The wind whips through my hair

I take my time walking inside the church

I look back outside 

And see the stormy, grey clouds

I feel nothing

I walk into the sanctuary

Lined with red carpet

I see the casket

His body

Unmoving

Nothing

My friends are there

Family whisked off 

Running errands

To make sure this runs smoothly

I sit down

Take a deep breath in

I still feel nothing

My legs shake

As I stand 

And walk towards the open casket

I see his face

So calm

I stop three feet away

My feet frozen to the ground

I wait for him to move

To wake up

To say “just kidding, I’m fine!”

To be healed

For cancer to be rid of his body

He does nothing

I feel everything

My brother is dead

And there is nothing I can do

                             -To My Big Brother