Today

December 17, 2018

Today I do not wish to be awake

Today I do not wish to be worshiped or told that I am beautiful

Although I do greatly appreciate it

Today I will stay in my room

The curtains drawn and the lights off

My headphones in and my mind on do not disturb

Today I will participate in the minimal amount of worldly activities

I will not go out of my way to make friendly conversation

I will exchange or simple smile rather than a “how are you doing today?”

I hope no one will notice

Today do not wish to be touched

Sincerely I apologize but not even to offer the simplest warm hug

Gracefully lay your hand upon your heart so that I know you feel for me

Today do not wish to be told “I love you”

Those words are important, the kind you don’t take back

If you mean it write it down

Fold it into something small and hand it to me with a smile

Today I do not wish to have any human contact

For I am afraid that regardless of how nice I see him or put together I look-

They are are still judging me

I fear that someone will see through me one day-

Hell maybe they already do

I fear that someone will feel my tattered and tired energy-

I hope I don’t project that hard

I fear they will suspect I am damaged-

Mercilessly using that to prove their strengths

I am mostly fearful that one day I will have gone through too many days like today-

And I will no longer see any tomorrows

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