Today

Today I went through my poems

and threw out everything I ever wrote about you

Yesterday, I would have cried

A month ago, a boy with stormcloud eyes and lion's hair asked me to marry him

I said yes

There was nothing else I could say

Six months ago, my doctor diagnosed me with major depressive disorder

told me that I would probably never fully heal from the house I was raised in

that I would battle this illness for the rest of my life

A year ago, you told me you loved me

But today…

Today we don’t talk

and I don’t love you the way I used to

I am a different person in so many ways

My mind lets me sleep instead of shaking all night

My hands don't latch onto bottles anymore

and my feet have never been rooted in the soil like this

I am happier with him than I ever was with you.

But yesterday, I woke up missing you

I had to throw away my old poems and

write a new story.