Today I Am
Maybe you smiled at me today
Maybe you said 'hi' in the halls
You may have complimented my hair
Or something that made me feel not so small.
Maybe I got a good grade
Or something that made me not use my blade
Today I am happy
Maybe you tripped me at school
Maybe you called me something uncool
Maybe I got called ugly and cried in the bathroom
Or something that made me want to get sucked up by a vacuum
When I got home
No one was there
So I pulled up my sleeve and took a breath to prepare
Pierced skin made the blood flow out of the wound
The jagged red lined that would clot soon
Hoping what was coming was doom
All because of you
Today I am sad
Maybe you were the one who called me 'worthless'
Maybe it was you who spread that rumor
Maybe it was you who made fun of my family and
Brought back unwanted memories.
Today I didn’t eat lunch because
Someone wrote fat pig on my locker
I cried in the bathroom again.
I went home and went in the shower
And added more lines to my collection
I feel like I’m falling apart
I don’t want to be alive
Today I am broken
Maybe it was you who sat next to me
when I was breaking down at lunch
Maybe it was you who asked if I was okay
And when I said 'yes' you told me
I was a liar
Maybe it was you who saw my scars
And didn’t pity me or make me talk about it
Maybe you told me I was worth the world
Today I am healing
Maybe it was you who befriended me
Maybe it was you who made me eat when I was trying to starve
Maybe it was you who stuck up for me
Hugged me during my depressive episodes
Laughed at my joke
Made me take my meds and exercise
Gave me a shoulder to cry on
A reason to live
And a full recovery
Today, I am fixed
Today, I smiled
A real, non-fake smile
I laughed authentically, to the point I was gleaming
I have friends who care about me
I have a will to live
I am three months clean today
We celebrated with cake
I had four pieces
I am undeniably happy
And I feel free
Today, I am me.
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