Today as I Hold These Letters of Mine

Today as I hold these letters of mine,

I reimagined the lies and warning signs.

When we all promised to stay close

And not let the power of status impose.

I remember the uncontrollable anxiety.

None of my friends were beside me.

I was the first to go on this mission.

I had no one to give me admonition.

We rode the bus to Bergamo.

This was about two months ago.

I sat next to Chloe on the bus,

She was the only one I had to trust.

All the other students on the ride

 Where nothing but names who’d I pass by.

Two years we had known of another,

Yet I could barely tell one from the other.

Everyone was nervous when we arrived,

We didn’t know what was in store inside.

We played a few games to ease the nerves,

But didn’t know what the future preserved.

We then split into small factions,

To both Chloe and my dissatisfactions.

Chloe left with her group before me,

I felt doubtful on how my day would be.

I recognized some of the guys’ faces,

I saw Nick’s, Caleb’s, John’s, and David’s.

I also saw Josh who I talked to in English,

He was quiet but not hard to distinguish.

In addition, I saw RJ Clesceri,

He had come from Mason with Dylan Berry.

Alex Abbott was the last guy I saw,

Me and him did not wish to talk at all.

I then turned my eyes to the females,

Most of them were friendships fails.

Freshman year I had been friends with three,

Kelsey, Saylor, and the cheerleader, Abby.

I had one somewhat pal,

Hearing “Alexis Dolph” boosted my morale.

We went into a room with a creepy man,

His name was Kas and I was not a fan.

His presence scared me and he seemed vile.

Honestly, I first thought he was a pedophile.

I look back now realizing my mistake,

First impressions aren’t always a good base.

We sat in a circle on the ground

Introducing ourselves as we went around.

We quickly found some similar interests,

Both Alexis and I had very few differences.

I then looked over to who would speak next,

Oh, my lord it was my ex.

Looking back, I was so naïve,

The outcome was something I’d disbelieve.

We ended the basic introductions,

And went to the main room for instructions.

We learned of the leaders’ tragic stories,

It was hard to not cry when it got to Torie’s.

We then went to another room for lunch,

I sat with Chloe and the band bunch.

We then returned to our small gangs,

to tell what unspoken problems over hanged.

I can’t tell you exactly what everyone said,

Because some of it is to personal to be read.

It wasn’t getting to emotional yet,

I had no idea how sad it would get.

We next discussed Highs and Lows,

This was where everyone was exposed.

I heard stories of death, injury, and illness,

I didn’t know they had this darkness.

I started the group out.

Leaving, Kas pulled me in an opposite route.

He told me that I needed to lead retreats,

That Bergamo wanted someone like me.

I haven’t thought much on this till now,

Leading Kairos is something I’d allow.

We took a break from the cries and wails.

Some boys ate a wild watermelon on a trail.

We came back to do washing of the hands.

I already knew who I had in plan.

I apologized how everything had had to end,

He is now one of my best friends.

We then wrote the letters to our group,

In my hand they now droup.

We then ate and retired from the day,

CC was my roomie and we slept away.

We woke up the next day feeling like gods,

I wish we’d still feel this way by all odds.

We created a song with the word prayer,

Ours won and was the best, no compare.

We went to our last small group talks,

Saying how our first impression was a faux.

We hugged a lot and then cried,

Never imagining this as a last goodbye.

I toast to you group #1 Dad,

At least during that time, we had.

We went to the chapel to read our letters,

None but Caleb’s made my sleeves wetter.

We went to the bus, promising to stay close,

Although we’d meet once more at most.

Despite my friendship with Alexis and Alex,

The bonds are now not as complex.

I say hi and keep up our streaks,

But we no longer talk like we did that week.

We wore our retreat crosses for month,

Then decide to put others’ opinions in front.

Kas saw me at a football game,

Asking if the retreat feeling remained.

I shook my head saying yes,

He asked again, not impressed.

Although not all the friendships have stayed,

I have these here letters with my name.

Looking down at these words in ink,

Recall this lesson and never let it shrink.

Everyone is battling a secret fight,

Doing so with all their might.

Be kind to all, even those you don’t know,

For they could be hitting their all-time low.

As I sit in my room crying on my bed,

I recall when only happiness seemed ahead.

Today as I hold these letters of mine,

I recall when high school seemed aligned.