Today I miss

Being mentally stable

Being hale and whole

Having a brain with chemicals made and mixed

In the right proportions

Feeling an ounce of motivation

Enjoying things

 

Today I miss

Getting sleep every night of the week

Only staring at the ceiling for two hours waiting for sleep

Instead of the whole night through

Only to greet dawn from the wrong side with a yawn

An exhaustion-teared glare

And a chill in my bones from a restless night

 

Today I miss

Naked candor

Trusting my loved ones with what would be

My innermost secrets, if I had any

Not squirreling away my painful emotions

Or lack of any at all

To protect them, to protect me

 

Today I miss

Calling falling asleep at 2 a bad night, not a good one

Giving a single, solitary hoot about anything

Freely spilling my guts to family rather than faceless strangers

But I guess I don’t miss the cruelty of my ignorance

I just dread finding out what other prejudices life will rid me of

What I still have, what will be taken to rid me of them, too