tomorrow so soon

today I decided that it would be the last day i'd waste time thinking about you. i thought that as i climbed out of bed. in the shower i thought how it was nice not to think about that shampoo we shared, how you'd never seen black shampoo but used it anyway... i thought about that as the suds ran down my back. and i didn't put on that shirt i first wore when i saw you... i hate to button it, reminds me of how you unbuttoned it, and i wasn't going to think about that today. on the way to work, the song i could have written about us was playing on the radio and it was a relief to know that i wasn't reminded of you or the cd you burned for me, the words wrenching away at my gut and heart. it is, after all, just a song-and i didn't have reason to think of you. at work when i smelled you on my desk, i realized it was just perfume on mail delivered. it must have been on someone's hand when dragged across the paper, much like it had been on your fingers when they were drawn across my chest. i was so glad i figured that out... without giving you a thought. when i heard someone use the word "bunches" today, it was a good feeling to know that it wasn't you jokingly saying "i love you bunches"- it used to make me smile and if i'd remembered that today i probably wouldn't have - smiled, that is. tonight as i chopped the veggies for salad, i barely recalled how you loved to cook and wanted me to watch you prepare the feast. hell - i'd have probably just been stuck washing dishes every night anyway. so as i wielded the cutlery, i didn't think about that. and as i sat in silence and ate, tv glowing in the background, i didn't even miss the conversations we'd have had at that point in the evening - makes food hard to swallow anyway. so like i said, didn't even miss it. best part of my day is when i can crawl back into bed at night and have my side all to myself, not having to worry about you wrapping your arms around me and molding your body to mine, let alone all of the whispering making it impossible to sleep. yes tonight while i watch shadows bleed across the blinds, i will think about how i made it through another day without you... i mean without thinking about you.